reading this over im thinking of something i read last week: https://german.yale.edu/sites/default/files/meister-eckhart-maurice-o-c-walshe-bernard-mcginn-the-complete-mystical-works-of-meister-eckhart-the-crossroad-publishing-company-2009.pdf sermon sixtey nine. the kingdom of god is all around us, so we only need to look and see it. makes me think of a kike prayer i saw on tv once. and the idea of gardain angels. maybe anonzzel is mine? and i connecting with him in this, or undermining him? i have no idea, im just going with my gut. i want to do something stupid, and magical, its pathicic this is what i thought of. cant be helped, im dead set now. i feel like none will understand what im saying. this is going to hurt. kek. i leave because im in pain then comeback hunting for it. so maybe we are all every enitity, and only what we see ourselves as changes. holy shit. this is just type +. i hope no one in media reads this and publishes my ideas, cause i swear to god if i hear someone say "og em gee ur suuuch a ghost type gurrrlmoa XD" im going to become an hero. anyway. i forgot what i was saying. maybe something about being more vulnerable than we realise, and realising it is what alows us to stop being controled by it. holyshit. its just the self +. this is what i mean by everything being cut from the same wood. is it just vainity i can accepting someone eless musings as fact? or is just humanity. i guess really vainity is just humanity. whatever. the kingdom of god is always close to you. equal distance from everything earth is. jesus fuck, turned into yoda i did. we are all closer than we realise. isnt that terrigying? you can never know somone really, so you can never really know just how close you are. also physically, we probably all arnt as far away as we seem. its just so hard to get over that protection, and almost certainly not wise too. i would hardly call my suv the kingdom of god. i wonder what mr eckner meant by that. my god is that a bunch of nonsense. i have no idea what i was trying to say there. i do remeber the sermon, i ought to check that out in a sec. i just went and read the ennea types one and 8 in the link. i got to thinkinking maybe i was a sexy one, but i remebered being pretty sure about so8, so i went and read 8 over too. im still pretty sure in so8. sx1 also makes sense, but so8 makes more sense. anyway. the point is i like reading the discriptions from the japaness guy. i like the way japanese translates. i wonder if that particular way of speaking is part of why anime is so popular with autists. im still sure in so8, but i must admit this whole thing has become very much a sx1 thing to do. or maybe sx8. im channeling a non native energy thats for sure. i tend to type out my longer posts in word, so i can make sure they make sense, then copy past over. thats all this was at first, then i didnt post it, and it all snorta snowballed. ive been watching digimon, im just now realising how much the ideas here infulancd my taste. or maybe my taste is inate, and i was drawn to digimon by it. i dont like the idea that taste changes, i think people just become more awear of what they like. like people dont change, they become more theselves or less. well, shit, that is a change. but you know what i mean. i think im more afraid a lack of vulnerablity will make me less myself, i dont want to become like the people i see around me. i dont want to be a ghost. so really im addicted to the feeling of superoity, arnt i? im not, but if you wanted to be cynical you could say that and it would be strictly wrong. i meant wouldnt but im not changing it. i feel like im stumbling around a dark lybrath; driving at nigh (in a rocket car). its all so fuzzy. is faith just the will to be alive? is that even a good thing? i cant help but feel im evil, and i dont think i can help it. i cant tell if im reading too much into everything or not enough, i cant tell whats in my head and whats real, i cant tell if that matters or if there even is anything in my head or anything real. its all just a blur of dark wind where my mirors ought to be. maybe im just a ghost on the road, who cant see the light. if roads are a lybranth, ill get where i need to in time, if only i dont crash. into one through zeal. do i want what i want? anyway. i dont think i can figure out the right thing, so i just need to pray ive gussed right. i guess what pains me is trying to be above anything. sermon 69 was talking about the kingdom of god being all around us, so what is there to transend too? this is all there is, everything else is just chasing ghosts. its not up to you.