⚠️ long spiel warning ⚠️ This has been taking up way too much of my headspace and I have projects I need to finish so I'm just gonna leave this here as a way to move. Read it if you feel like it :) For context, three of my friends from highschool recently released a podcast about "highschool drama" where they talk about some of the things they experienced, witnessed, and honestly were victim to. Names do get dropped, but I think this is something that has been apologized for if I'm not mistaken (wow taking responsibility, what a cool concept!). Firstly, I think everyone has done things they aren't proud of in hs, and I don't think it's very productive to define people by their past mistakes, especially given how transformative that time of your life is. I definitely know there's things I'd like to take back or do differently, but I'd like to think for the most part I've done my best to take responsibility for those things, acknowledge when I'm wrong, and to hold the people around me accountable when I think they are wrong. I say all of this because the podcast brings up an event I genuinely thought I had moved far past. When I was 15/16 a group of people who I considered my friends at the time (who are called out in this podcast and are seemingly upset about it) wrote graphic smut (written **** for the non Wattpad-initiated) about me and one of my best friends (we'll call them A), and proceeded to distribute it. I think there were 20+ people on the Google doc when I found it, and all of this was done without my or A's consent. I never thought I would need to look up sexual harassment to figure out if that's what happened to us. I also can't explain what it's like to try and rationalize the feeling of being violated with the fact that everyone you considered friends knew about it if not participated in it and just found it funny (this sentence among others is not English approved dw ab it). I don't want to speak on behalf of A, but I can only imagine it felt worse for them. I say I moved past this because when I was educated enough to process the fact that what I experienced wasn't okay, I also assumed that in the years that had passed the people who did it had grown and changed too. As I said earlier I don't want to define people by their past mistakes. But then this podcast comes out, and I firsthand get to watch as not a single person, fully knowing that I'm in their group chat, even thinks to acknowledge what they did to me or A was fucked up. Here are some of my favorite sentiments from the reaction though: "why are you rehashing drama from 4 years ago?": Have you thought about the fact that if someone is motivated to bring up something from that long ago, maybe it had a pretty lasting impact? It sure did for me. "they afford the ability to grow and change to people they like, but not to us": At first glance, this is a very solid sentiment, and I do think for some members of that group this could be valid. However, for as long as I was in the chat, not a single person reflected on or acknowledged how what happened was problematic and damaging. All of these years of change but when confronted nobody can look back and at least mention that what was done was wrong? "A and B just listen as C compares us to Andrew Tate": Did you just like forget the part about the sexual harassment? Oh and let's add on the fact that all of you failed to acknowledge that it was sexual harassment. Comparison starting to feel a lil more valid ngl. "I want to bomb this bitch": Idk if this was the exact wording but this isn't even like problematic I just thought it was really funny. I'm writing all of this bc it's been occupying too much of my head recently. I removed myself from the mentioned group chat to try distance myself but its still on my mind and I think I'm within my rights to share so I can also move on. I also know that there are people on this account who will read this and are a part of the group I mentioned. I'd like to say that over the years I have genuinely valued your friendship and admired a lot of things about you all. But over the past couple weeks I've realized that doesn't go both ways. I think that's the end of my thought process on what happened. I'm not fishing for an apology, it's just a lot of what I've heard about this podcast bashes A B and C, and I personally appreciate them for calling attention to something that happened to me that I had to create my own closure for, though that closure was invalidated anyway. It's very comforing to hear someone acknowledge what happened to you was wrong, and I'm grateful for that. If anything I said seems unfair, I really do want to hear your viewpoint. Otherwise, I appreciate you reading this, have a cupcake 🧁.