Đây sẽ là effort cuối cùng của t để cứu vãn tinh thần và nghị lực sống của bản thân, và cũng sẽ là confession trên discord cuối cùng mà t sẽ làm (bởi vì 100% m sẽ ngán mấy cái này r), (và đây sẽ là dòng chữ tiếng vn duy nhất trong này vì tôi ko viết được tv). Back then, I used my bio to post all of my feelings in there, usually for a few hours then Ill just delete it, but suddenly one day I kinda forgot to delete it and you found out. and then it changed to a "Ask you and You answer then i use these info for you". It was nice, for a coward like me, now I can actually talk to the person I like. Then things leads to I "confessed"(?) to you? which I got an Okish answer in my book. The "let's see" you gave me was kind of a coinflip, either Yes or No, and the worst thing she can say is no, it will hurt but that confirms that she doesnt like me back. That's all of it right? Yeahh not quite right. The day Hayden sent me the relationship you set, it didnt hurt like i expected. But I feel empty, empty like my soul got sucked out of my body, like everything froze with all its left is the msg. I didnt realise it at first but you were my everything, all of my motivations and goals are all set to you, directly or not, it all leads back to you. I was shocked, in denial, and pain, I decided that "let's check this myself. I opened facebook and bam, you're with someone. I keep stating to myself that, if you're happy then that's enough. But who might have guessed, I was also lying to myself. I knew that I was jealous, I was heartbroken, My heart kinda shattered. But I can't say shit. Because I dont wanna lose you as a friend, you were too good for me and to me. That night, after vcing with scott, I lay down, as a coping mechanism, started talking to myself. "We" talked about all the things in the world, but that wasn't enough, wasn't at all. Earlier, scott said I need to hate you, to forget all about you, that will make my pain better. But I can't do that. Becaused you were too attached to my memories and my life, getting rid of you is comparable to ripping my nervous system out. But it still hurts and my heart keeps aching, every minute, I just can't stop thinking about you. But in the other hand, I was disappointed at myself, for not being better, enough to get to you. All of my efforts are too small for people to know aware of, so not even you will. After that day, I became salty, at the fact that I lost, like i said: Fighting a touriment round with a man equipped with infinity gauntlet using a turkey leg" It was like punching a rock with your hand, I never had the chance to break it. Like I never had the chance to enter your heart. I Started to drink (coffee), alot of coffee to cope with my saltiness, the more I drink the more my heartaches, both from Jealousy and from the caffeine. But nothing works, this might be because I had a crush on you for so long that nothing compares, nothing worth more than everyday looking forward to talk to you, try to find improvements in our relationship. Nothing compares. So the fact that you (basically) rejected me made me really depressed. On that one moment of "high", I wanted to break everything up, burn it to the ground, the "không ăn dược thì đập đỗ" atitude. So I asked you "hey Jane you like pedos?" This assumption was solely made because as an ex-stalker, I "researched" about the dude you were "in an relationship with", found out that he was in uni (no other clues to back it up t-hough). And then you finally answer. At that exact moment, my "high"ness snapped and I became sober again. Later that day, I really wanted to talk to you but ofc I can't, you were both the one that caused all of this disturbance and the one I share things with. A Civil war was created in my mind, clashing with each other. The results? I used a pitiful tactic called "Writing bullshit in my bio so you will kinda answer". And you did.Hm. Idk what to do next. And then everything leads to today, 5/4/23, I woke up, feeling like a block of grass, checked your discord as a force of habit. The realisation that my "habit" is going down to the drain, i had another talk with myself. Idk what this will do but I really need to write this down on sth. Well all story need a backstory so Ill just say it here. It all started when I first step into the school and enter the class. One of the first person I see was you. I had a tiny crush on you at that time cuz you look *** af, for like 2mins?. And I spent all of my 6th grade having a half-crush on hayden(weird ik). Now looking back, I didnt really liked her, It was just she was my first and only friend, so my brain automatically made me like her. It was nice, she was the only person that speaks lots of english without a problem and the one that helped me through the class bullying me for speaking tons of english. I befriended "the wind"(Ho The Phong) and was nice too. Skip to 7th grade, I realised that Hayden is kinda not into romantic stuff and she's also too much of a friend, so I let my feeling for her fade away. It was easy, because I didnt really love her, just liking. Also back then I really hated you. Reason? Well "People who have problems in their life tend to find problem in other people's life". You were too easy to pick on and I was being a dickhead back then, also you were too judgemental of me. I remember you said sth like Dont copy other people or sth. But the core of my humour and my personality is stealing from other's. I stole alot from Brian, Scott, My sister. Basically I copy others to make me look funnier (kinda a dick move isnt it?) (I tried to burned this trait but it still in me somehow). So my childish and ignorant ass back then was triggered that you kinda found out my weakness so I hated you. But now looking back it was foolish of me. When 8th grade started, that's when I started to interact with you more. That's when I realised that "oh sht this girl is so fucking cute" and I fell for you. I didnt try to push even an inch at first, I was scared. But my feelings for you grew, realising that you actually cared about me (eventhough idk if you really are or you were just being friendly). You actually remember things about me when even my parents didnt (miserable innit?). In this time I also pushed myself to fix my life. But none of that matters no-w aint it? Eh but i knew that you didnt like me. All of my instints told me that you rejected me ever since that day but heyy what can I say but congrats, I hope they will make you happier than ever. But I hope we'll still be great friends.. That's all I got to say..