Dear Head Honcho of my fate, With an unshakable desire to find myself on a very different and very lucrative street, I have mustered enough courage no liquid involved) to write a four-hundred-word plead: Let me in, please. My hand is too small to reach both the shift key and the $, so I am not quite good enough to write code at a quant firm just yet. I don’t have any IMO medals under my belt either, but my application for Quantitative Trading Summer Intern is supported by my lucky streak. I am very lucky: call me the Buy-Sell Magic 8 Ball if you please. No shaking required, just catered lunch and a ping pong table will do. My meandering journey to Jane Street (I’m still some 400km away) started with a cotton tee. In his junior year, my boyfriend came by your New York City office to show off his mathleticism for a chance at being a Quant. He didn’t solve all the math problems, so he left without a position—only a cotton tee. The cotton tee is, for him, too shameful to don. But it is also too soft to donate. And so, I inherited the JSNYC subway stop style tee. I have bonded with other people on campus spotted wearing your cotton tee: for an ice breaker, we admit that we don’t work at Jane Street. But it doesn’t have to stay this way. I am happy to be your company tee-wearing-fortune-telling-intern for as long as you please. I guarantee that I my projections will be 100% great, until the day I get fired. No line of my resume will ever tell you how lucky I am. But, a quarter of it talks about how I overcame the challenge of bidding for tech-company ads with a CPC of two dollars. This was a feat accomplished with some Google-tech-support-correspondence and a ton of luck. I am very lucky, and I demand no lofty 14K-a-month salary. I run on catered lunch and ping pong games and am eager to learn. This luck is going to run out soon—but no worries, not until I finish this internship. I would greatly appreciate the opportunity to further discuss my candidacy. Should you reach out to me, I will be immensely thankful and will wear that cotton tee with a little more dignity. Thank you for considering my application. Best, Skylar