Hey, asshole. It's me. I let myself in. You down to fuck?

I smell like booze. Well, I had a spill. Don't worry about it. I can take a shower if you want. You go first - you probably smell like shit from work.

No? Then get to it. I haven't got all night. 

What, you don't want to? Didn't take much for you last time, did it? You might have won your bet, but you might as well keep going. 

Don't look at me like that. Fuck me or send me out. You don't have the right. 

I said, you don't have the right. Don't ask me what's wrong. 

It's more than your fault. It's his fault, and my fault for being so stupid. Come on. Take that **** that ruined my life, and come fuck it up some more.

Oh. Oh no you are not doing this. Do you really -

You don't. [Sniffle] Glad you understand that. 

You look guilty. Stop that. Don't make me think about how stupid I was. I just came to fuck. If you really feel sorry, then shut up and let me do this. 

[Sobbing]

Don't touch me. Don't.

[Glasses clink.]

What are you doing? Seriously, just -

[Glass sets down on table with a heavy thud.]

So you can listen. Good. 

[Gulping noises.]

This isn't the strong stuff. You're terrible. It's not what I needed.

Of course I liked it. But that was when we were out having fun. I wasn't trying to get wasted. I was relaxed around you, you know. I was comfortable. Safe. 

[Gulp.]

Get me a whiskey. From your collection. I don't care if it's the cheap shit. I can't handle this sober. 

You don't want to. I didn't want a friend like you. If that's all you have to say, then I'm going. Maybe I'll find that asshole and fuck him instead. 

[A brief struggle.]

Don't kiss me. Don't -

[A sloppy make out, abruptly terminated.]

Yeah, I bit you. I'll do it again. Come closer.

[Slightly manic laughter.]

You're letting me now. You deserve it. Let me do this, too.

[A smacking sound.]

Oh shit. I didn't mean to - let me -

I don't know why I'm doing this. I should be beating the shit out of you. Hold still so I can stop the bleeding.

Sorry. I don't know why I'm apologizing. I swear I don't mean it. Deal with this yourself. 

[She gets up, chair creaking as she raises. Her footsteps pad off into the distance. A wooden panel slides open, and glass clinks. The woodrn panel slides shut. Her footsteps pad back into the foreground, glass clinking as she walks.]

I got the most expensive bottle you have. I insist you take a sip. 

[Glass clinks, then smashes.]

God! I'm sorry - I'm sorry -

You don't have to clean that. I'll handle it. 

Oh. [Voice changes, as she is leaned onto her back.]

 

[voice slightly distant] I didn't say you could do that. I can handle it.

[Sound of sweeping, glass clinking.]

No - I can mop it, it's fine -

[A mop twisted in a bucket. Floor mopping.]

[A little distant still.] Fuck, how much did that cost? Don't worry about it? Look, I'll pay you back. 

[Voice no longer distant.] Oh, I don't know. I hate you. 

Hold onto me for a moment. Please. 

[A little muffled - she's hiding her face in her man's body.] Yeah, I'm sure. Took a whole bunch of tests to check. 

Tell me what to do. Tell me what you want. 

No. Don't say that. I don't want you to be there. I hate that I want you to be there. I don't think I'm going to let go of this. 

[She unburies herself, and her voice is no longer muffled.]

No. Not that. Absolutely not. 

Fine.

Yeah, I could use some water. 

[A slow, measured gulp.]

You're right. You are stupid. Nothing makes this okay, you know. We're still not friends. 

[Another gulp.]

You're okay with that? What the fuck does that mean?

[A kiss.]

[A pause.]

...I said I'd bite you. 

Come here. Lemme do it.

[Another, longer kiss.]

I *am* biting you. I'm just biting you softly. You should give it a try. Down there. They'll be making milk soon, so you should give it a try.

Too eager. I hate you. Keep going. 

[Moans, various.]

...you know, you're different. But still the same. You'd always do nice things for me, but you'd make fun of me, which is why I thought you weren't like that. We were never friends, were we?

Well. We were. It was so obvious, looking back at it. You never really liked me. 

Uh huh. Shut up. 

[She pushes his head down to give her head, in a thematic role reversal of the original audio.]

I don't know. I guess you like me now, but I want you to prove it. You don't need to breathe, you bastard. Get me there. 

[Laugh.]

No, I'm not actually going to kill you. Come on. That's a good boy. 

[Laugh.]

We're so stupid. I don't know what we're doing. You don't have to do this. [Stretch and movement of voice like head is turning around.] Any of this, I mean. I was stupid. You don't have to stay with me.

No, it is your fault, and you're still a bastard. I just don't want that to be why you're here. 

You don't mean that. You just feel bad about knocking up your stupid slut of a friend. You can leave me if you want. 

[Giggles.]

Don't kiss me. Really, don't. Not right now. Get back under there. 

[Man sneaks in a kiss anywhere.]

You bastard. Come on then. 

[Various moans and encouragement until orgasm is approached. Take your time getting there. ]

[Glass clinks. The woman takes a sip of water.]

Hey. Question.

[Relaxed laughter.]

No, not that.

Suppose the test is wrong. There's false positives sometimes, if you eat something wrong. Salt and vinegar messes up drinking tests, so maybe something like it could mess up a pregnancy test. Would you stay with me?

Really. Well. I don't know if I believe you. Just in case, I want you to make sure you've really bred me. No taking things back. 

Of course I'm just being a slut. You want it or not?

[Can end here or proceed to vaginal intercourse.]