I decided it best to be fully candid about where I'm at and how I see things so there's no more confusion... I'm really tired though so its been hard to parse my thoughts out without it reading all incomprehensible so if something doesn't make sense my bad I'm mega sleep deprived

First, I appreciate the space. Second, yea the situation yesterday evening was not great. 100% I've received conflicting signals, sometimes in the same conversation. Everytime in the past someone has gone out of their way to call me "friend" it was because they were letting me know they weren't interested in anything more. Everytime I've gotten stoned&sultry videos from someone it's because they wanted to drain my balls.

Now you have both told me you want me and that you do not want me within the span of eight hours. *** & cold isn't attractive and if you consider that fuckin up, then you are right, you did. 100% made it seem like you were playing games. You're also right, I don't think this would've happened IRL, where we'd be able to see each others faces and body language and get a read on each other.

That said... Mixing SSRI's, alcohol, weed, nicotine, anxiety + maybe sleeplessness too is a cocktail for going off the rails. I know you were not yourself so I'm not going to hold it against you, shit happens. I've thought about this a lot and I still like you and I want to see where this goes. I have a lot of fun talking to you. You stimulate me in every way that counts & I think it'd be wasteful to curve you over this. 

But it needs to be established I won't stick around if I get the sense games are being played with me, or my time & I are being disrespected. I am not down with being used for attention or validation. I let everyone I let into my life know this so dont feel like I am singling you out. I also need you to know that this goes both ways. I am not going to screw with your head or your heart. If you feel upset by something I have done you talk to me and we will hash it out. I will always hear what you have to say & if I need space first I'll let you know.

So... since texting has caused a misunderstanding already and I will have less free time soon, I think we should start talking over the phone. I would say voicechat but then we're at the mercy of my wifi and I have access to a landline. I'm curious to hear what you sound like :) and IMO it's superior to text, so much harder to misunderstand someones meaning when you can hear someones tone. What do you think?

The way I see it, it's an important step towards building trust between us too because let's be honest, exploring something with someone you haven't met yet IRL is inherently risky. Its important for both of our safeties to know who we're getting involved with and to vett each other. You can want someone and still be cautious at the same time, you know?

As for poly... I'm not sure how you define it because that means different things to different people. Usually either "I want to emotionally be with one person but fuck whoever I want" or "I genuinely want to be in multiple simultaneous committed relationships".

If we pursue something the only way I see anything long distance working is if it's open. I've done closed long distance before and it blows. When you have a high *** drive and can only see someone for anywhere between 60 - 90 days peppered throughout a 365 day year it becomes unrealistic to be sexually monogamous. I know people have made that work in the past but personally from my two attempts at it, it's torturous and not worth it IMO

Finally, I need you to understand that while things have moved faster than I am used to and I was apprehensive about it at first, I have thought about it and I don't think its something to trip about. Sometimes people just have chemistry & hit it off. So wherever this goes and however fast or slow it gets there is okay with me.

I feel old-fashioned writing a letter

So on that note

Sincerely,

Matthew

😘

p.s. Thank you for giving me the space & time I needed to figure this out